Specially Designed

Falling for you

2011-09-16T14:35:00.000-07:00

Oh, Fall, how I love you! Let me count the ways . . . Wait, how many (or rather, how few) days ago was it that I was lamenting an approaching 96* day? Things can switch around rather quickly here. But if pumpkins the size of basketballs are in the grocery store and I put the lovely fall wreath on the door, I can will fall here, right? Well, maybe not to stay.

What is Indian Summer anyway? I think it is when a few hot days come back here and there. Maybe that's what we had. But today is cool and crisp, and I think I smell cinnamon. Football captivates many minds around me and shorts are not the first item I reach for each day. (But don't be thinking I am ditching my beloved flip flops yet. They are the last remnant of summer every year!)

Mostly, I think, fall brings change. And change is exciting.

Winter is an etching, spring a watercolor, summer an oil painting and autumn a mosaic of them all. ~Stanley Horowitz

Happily Irresponsible

2011-09-14T19:36:00.000-07:00

I am the older sister. Maybe enough said. I am responsible—too responsible. I had to be the driver of the car that arrived home at or before curfew in high school, so I was accustomed to being the nail biter. Would baby sister round up easily at the arcade to make it home in time? Being a responsible mother came naturally for me. This role is now so ingrained, it is hard to let it go.

Except for when dear younger son kicks in. I found it delightful today when he nervously pointed at the fuel light on in my car. He gestured frantically at a nearby gas station since I was on the phone. (Wow, so that’s what it feels like for someone else to worry about things!) He loves to go to church youth on Wednesday nights, so this evening he kept a vigilant eye on his watch. He ate a quick dinner, took my plate (wait!), put a few things away, changed clothes and announced he would be in the car. Right on time! Hmm, I could really get used to letting him pick up some of this “responsible” stuff. I think I am getting a little too old for it.

What's That Chu Say?

2011-09-10T21:04:00.000-07:00

A stranger burst my bubble today. I was walking past her house with my husband on a little stroll. It was perfectly lovely outside and I was enjoying the outdoors. She sat idly on her porch and called out, "Great day to be outside, isn't it?" We agreed and she proceeded to remark on how nice it has been. Indeed! We have needed no air conditioning for over a week. This is remarkable!

Then it came out. "I hear it is supposed to be 96 next week, though." What?? "We can't seem to get away from it," she added. I normally don't pay attention to weather forecasts and just accept each day's weather as if it were my screen saver; it's just the background, you know? When people complain about the weather, I simply shrug because -- what can you do? It is what it is and we don't get a vote.

But because of our unusually brutal summer, it felt like she said, "We will have 7 more weeks of oppressive heat and we will all perish because of its intensity." Really, 96? Really? I'm paying attention to that.

Her Rock Star Highness

2011-09-08T11:43:00.000-07:00

Ok, the reason I am so excited about taking more photos is because I had a tutorial with a famous lady! Long story short, I was headed to Madison, WI again with my husband, and a few weeks before departure I offhandedly remarked that the only person I "knew" in Madison was this blogger lady, Donna Boucher. Of course, she didn't "know" me, I only "knew" her. Anyway, Sweet, Fabulous, Amazing Man o' Mine did an unthinkable thing! He contacted my blogging crush and asked not only if I could meet her but if I could have a photography tutorial with her!!!!!!! And this was my birthday present.

The Man is definitely set for life. He need not do one other thing. Ever. I was so flabbergasted when he wrote this all out for me and gave it to me that I was speechless. And continued to think over and over how speechless I would be to meet Donna. And how I could not think of a single photography question because I would be in the presence of her Rock Star Highness. I was so giddy.

Well, Donna met every expectation and more. I'll tell about her some later. If you want to read her at Quiet Life, you will enjoy her. If you want to read what she wrote about our visit, it's on her Tuesday, August 23rd post. Oh, one of her credentials is writing photography tutorials for Pioneer Woman!

In Short Supply and High Demand

2011-09-06T17:21:00.000-07:00

Recently shot on State Street in Madison, Wisconsin, where I found my impetus to shoot, shoot, and shoot some more. (I'll tell all soon.)

Don't keep them, give them away. Everyone is dying for some. (Even more than they want that soda, chocolate, and ice cream!) This world needs each and every kind word you can spare.

Is it Whiney?

2011-08-29T10:24:00.000-07:00

Is it whiney to call your mom up and say, "Child #2 is home sick with a stomach virus, my garage door is broken, and Child #1 has a warrant out for his arrest. How are you?"

She is fine. Just fine, because she happily stayed here while I accompanied my husband out of state last week and she knows this could be her. Actually, the stomach virus could be worse, doors can be fixed, and the child has only missed his court date by 4 days in another state. (Running a stop sign is not a felony, but do you really think you can ignore a ticket??)

I have missed blogging. I am newly invigorated to take more photos and there is a good reason for that! I can't wait to share that with you.

Looking Toward Summer

2011-05-05T09:34:00.000-07:00

I like that feeling of excitement mixed with panic, do you? That is how I feel about summer approaching and many days of no school, no schedule ahead. I told you how I started planning so many things for my son because spring break made me think. Lots of days, all sprawling ahead, make me think, "Yay!" and "Uh oh, what is he gonna do? Help!" all at once.

I called about therapeutic horseback riding and that seems to be in the works. Wow, a lot of paperwork, but hopefully, it will be worth it. I also want to find an art outlet for N, who seems to churn out quite a lot of drawings on a weekly basis. This seems to calm him, and I would like to find someone who can help him develop his abilities . . . I have so many areas I want to plug him into that we just don't seem to have the time for during the school year. Ah, so many possibilities!

Currently, he is helping with the football team after school. They started spring practice, and he gets the equipment out and hands out protein drinks. He likes setting up the obstacle courses they run and has occasionally gotten to blow the whistle for them. I have met the coach once, who said that he gets things out there so quickly for them and that they can't wait to have him on the sidelines with them in the fall. This was great to hear. I have trouble, though, just letting him stay after school and do his thing. I wonder how well he is following directions, wonder if he is really helping, whether he understands, etc.

It is hard to be the parent of a teen who looks capable and just assume that no news is good news. I don't want to be in the middle of it all, but I do feel the need for some more communication! Is this going to be a normal feeling or will I eventually let go all the way?

An Easter Tale (or ear)

2011-04-23T13:28:00.000-07:00

Every year I like to recall a certain story to my boy about a certain younger boy who woke his mother up one Easter morning with urgency in his voice. This is how it goes: The young boy was poking his sleeping mother on the shoulder and whispering, "Momma, momma . . . " When her eyes came to a focus and met his, they were met with a deep concern. "I sowwy. I vewy, VEWY sowwy." The poor boy appeared to be about to cry. The still drowsy mom suddenly woke with a panic and sat up on one elbow. "Sorry about what, sweetie?" The confession was much slower coming than she would have liked, for all sorts of thoughts were racing through her mind. As he was working up his nerve, she noticed a wrapper clinched in his tiny fist and some tell-tale chocolate on his lips. Seems he had discovered the treasure left by the Easter bunny and had helped himself! "I ate the bunny's ears." "Oh? and what else?" "His tail." "And what else?" (A few tears now.) "All of him."

He knew he should not have done that, but it was pretty cute. It was quite a large bunny for one small fellow to consume at once, but he did not seem to suffer for it. He always starts with the ears and I always take a picture while he does. But not that year! And the bunnies have gotten smaller through the years -- just in case!

Hiatus Interrupted

2011-04-20T15:38:00.000-07:00

Okay, so it has been a long time since I posted. Holla if you missed me! Turns out, things have been kinda topsy turvy, as life is wont to be sometimes. I suppose the event that took me away from bloggyville the longest involved my grandmother passing away. She was 89, had vascular dementia, and lived in a nursing home. I like to think more about other parts of her life than her last 8 years because she was a really fabulous lady.

It is great to have someone of upstanding character in one's lineage. Mind you, I have plenty of unsavory examples also in my lineage, but those can be for another post! My grandmother was a woman who served and gave a lot in her life. She was adventurous and even drove three of us grandchildren on a trip to Washington D.C., Jamestown, and to see the Biltmore-- all by herself. It was important to her that we see all that and know our nation's history. She was successful in those goals and in giving her grandchildren a trip we will never forget.

So many things could paint a picture of her, but one big thing stands out in my mind. She gave parties at her home for teenagers who had special needs. Her only connection was that a good friend's daughter had an intellectual disability, and my grandmother wanted her to have a good time, like all other teens do. I knew this was an unusual act of service when I was growing up, but not until I had my own child with special needs did I realize what a huge gift she gave her friend. Our kids SO need social opportunities.

I am grateful for her example of acceptance, giving, and serving. I suppose her life is a challenge to me to pick up that baton and follow in her determined way.

Who's Thinking About Next School Year?

2011-04-01T13:08:00.000-07:00

I am!! In browsing around, I found some excellent material online that I wish I had found much earlier! Such good info about IEP meetings, involving the student and self-advocacy. Wow! I will be asking my son this last set of questions, for sure.

What Exactly Does Self-Advocacy Mean?

It means taking the responsibility for communicating one’s needs and desires in a straightforward manner to others. It is a set of skills that includes:

§ Speaking up for yourself

§ Communicating your strengths, needs and wishes

§ Being able to listen to the opinions of others, even when their opinions differ from yours

§ Having a sense of self-respect

§ Taking responsibility for yourself

§ Knowing your rights

§ Knowing where to get help or who to go to with a question

One of the best places to start teaching your child about self-advocacy is in his or her Individualized Education Program (IEP) meetings. Including your son or daughter in the IEP meeting provides him or her with an opportunity to learn and practice important life skills. Some advantages your child may gain by being involved in the IEP process include:

§ Learning about the impact of his or her disability

§ Practicing goal setting

§ Building teamwork skills

§ Developing an ability to speak up for himself or herself

§ Participating in a process of resolving differences

§ Gaining an understanding of his or her strengths and needs

§ Learning how to ask for and accept help from others.

Even very young children can contribute to their IEP meetings. If you feel your child is too young to participate in the entire meeting, you may choose to include him or her just in the opening of the meeting. This helps your child to know the IEP team members better and to start to be more comfortable in a child to display at the meeting. You can also receive your child’s input before you attend the IEP meeting. Ask your child if there is anything he or she would like to share at the meeting or to have you share. It can also be very beneficial to ask each team member to state one positive trait or skill your child has as you begin the meeting. Be sure to include your child in this sharing of positives. After the IEP meeting, sit down with your child and explain the goals and services or answer any questions your child may have.

As your child becomes older, the ways in which he or she can participate in his or her IEP meetings greatly increases. It is important to discuss the meeting process with your child beforehand. Role-playing being in an IEP meeting with your child can be a great teaching tool and may help your child to feel less anxious about participating.

Some Questions You May Want to Discuss with Your Son or Daughter Prior to the IEP

Meeting Are:

What do you want to learn or work on this year?

What are your special concerns for the school year?

How do you learn the best?

What do you need to be successful?

What would make learning easier for you?

What do you wish your teacher and other school staff would understand about you?

Discuss with your child how to handle the situation if something negative or difficult to hear is said about him or her in the meeting. Determine at what point, if any, you would stop the meeting and have your child leave. If the meeting is likely to be too stressful or negative, have your child only attend part of it and determine the agenda ahead of time with the team. Be sure to include your child’s input on the agenda. If your child chooses not to attend a meeting, ask if he or she would be willing to share ideas or opinions in writing or on tape to provide to the team.

Get more of this good stuff here.

Spring Break

2011-03-28T18:09:00.000-07:00

Spring break was here and gone before I knew it! We had no plans, except for one day, which I will tell you about. The rest just kinda . . . . . happened. This triggers the planner in me every year – it makes me wonder about summer and what will fill my son’s days for those three months. If one week is a bit too much unstructured time for him, what about the entire summer? Yikes.

Our one planned day involved having some friends come visit from out of town. We all lived in the same city years ago and we met because of . . . you guessed it, Down syndrome. Our two boys have enjoyed each other’s company a lot lately, and we have even met halfway between our towns to eat together as families. It is nice to have another mom of a teenage son to discuss similar issues with. She is a thoughtful and conscientious mom with lots of good ideas. Because of her other two teens’ activities, she stays super busy but is so devoted to her middle guy, my son’s friend. I love her. Move back, please, J!!

When they arrived, we went straight to our nearby indoor pool for the boys to enjoy some swimming. This was mutually beneficial, as we moms got to get in lots (not all) of our confidential chatter without being overheard! When they were waterlogged, they got changed and we walked to a restaurant for sustenance (and a milkshake). The boys seemed somewhat more shy while we were at the table with them. Maybe we should have set them at their own table? At any rate, it was a great day with very special friends. That was a highlight of our spring break.

Now the boys are texting each other. We are loving this typical teen behavior and glad they can keep their connection going. Now it’s their turn for confidential chatter!

Wild Weird Wednesday

2011-03-16T20:17:00.000-07:00

Life Lessons for Today:

Plans are nice, but life happens.
Interruptions happen.
It is good to breathe deeply.
Unexpected appointments happen.
Some things take much longer than the time I allot for them.
It is good to breathe deeply.
Some people are much too precious to sacrifice because of time stressors.
Waiting can be productive (cleaned out my purse, texted a few friends) and good for a relationship (played hangman with my son).

Thanks to Laurie at Living Power for a great post about waiting that I just read yesterday. How timely! She has some great ideas to fill our waits as we occupy exam rooms, etc.

I was still reminding myself to breathe deeply at almost 6:00 p.m. What a weird and wacky day. I had more waiting this evening, but with a plan.

Wait! Isn't that how I started this? Plans are nice, but life happens. My plans are not my own. His ways are higher than my ways. I can rest in that.

A Very Brady Kind of House with Flower Power

2011-03-15T15:47:00.000-07:00

We have several unique features to our house, which was built in 1970. One of them is our "coke bottle" glass surrounding the front door. Oh, boy, was that gonna be the first thing I fixed! Nearly 13 years later, it still proudly guards sentry at the front. We have a cool wet bar with avocado green countertops, which I hear are back. The wet bar also boasts a lotus type light fixture. Groovy!

I have gotten rid of the swag lamps that once hung so gracefully from my bathroom ceiling. We have floored over the previous kitchen linoleum and tiled over "genuine Mexican vinyl" in the laundry room (wish I had a picture of that!). But our entry floor still looks like . . . avocado with potato chips in it. The avocado part is my description, but a visiting kid once said, "Hey! That looks like potato chips in your floor! Is it?"

An area rug kinda covered it, but I found another recently that I LOVE and it covers a little more. I don't feel the need to be rid of the floor anymore, especially when I think of walking on potato chips.

Do you like my new rug, too?

Making Life Easier

2011-03-14T20:14:00.000-07:00

I have been organizing a friend's paperwork. Because I like it. I know that is strange, but she is dealing with a long term medical crisis in her family and she asked me if I could take it over for her for pay. She and I have been friends since college, and there is no one I would rather do this for.

I have enjoyed getting her stuffed chronologically filed and her bills on a schedule to be paid automatically. Dealing with several years' worth of paper has me thinking of the most efficient ways to do this, and it has me dealing with some of my own paper clutter. Photographs are my main paper issue. I have so many that I could never part with --so many in frames and oodles of albums. Space is becoming quite an issue!

I recently purchased an external hard drive and have moved over all photos from my computer. It feels great to have these backed up, but what about all of my pre-digital stuff? Looks like some serious scanning is in my future.

Tonight I was really getting down to the last of the photos and making some decisions about more albums, etc. I have even put several photos of ancestors in an album, all black and whites, names, dates of birth (if I know), and how they are related. Sweet N was right there with me, asking what he could organize. We even moved a little furniture around, placed a few things, and he got into a drawer with cords and electronics. He sorted and untangled these for awhile and did not want to quit! Later he said, "It feels good to be organized, doesn't it? It sorta makes our life easier, right?"

Oh, out of the mouths of babes. But where is that voice when I am tossing random things in a drawer and slamming it shut?Ok, just had to go and scan this one for ya! It is my paternal grandmother (standing, middle) who was the oldest of 5 girls. They posed with their mother for this shot in about 1936. I think each one looks absolutely stunning.

Pascal Duquenne? Oui!

2011-03-08T10:12:00.000-08:00

I like watching actors who have Down syndrome enjoy their craft. I came across this guy recently online (only in my dreams would it be in reality) who is an actor from Belgium.

Watching his trailers is fun! Not only does he act very well, he does it in his native French, which is so cool to watch. He is 40 years old now and, wow-- handsome!

I wanted to show you a trailer from a movie of his, but you tube is not cooperating with me today, so look him up.

Check out his credits below:

Pascal Duquenne
Born	8 August 1970 (1 Vilvoorde, Flanders, Belgium
Years active	1991, 1996, 2004, 2006
Awards	Best Actor Award (Cannes Film Festival) 1996 The Eighth Day Joseph Plateau Award for Best Belgian Actor 1996 The Eighth Day

Pascal Duquenne (b. 8 August 1970 in Vilvoorde, Belgium) is a Belgian actor. He shared the prize for a male role in 1996 Cannes Film Festival for his performance as Georges in the movie The Eighth Day, with Daniel Auteuil, who played Harry.^[1] He currently lives in Brussels. He has Down syndrome.^[2]^[3]^[4] In 2004 he received the very high civil distinction of Commander in the Order of the Crown (Belgium).^[5]

This and That

2011-03-07T11:01:00.001-08:00

I could not resist the potted tulips at Kroger recently. I took them out for their photoshoot debut on Saturday, and they did beautifully, don't you think? I am in love with them. I almost did not splurge this way, but each time I glance their direction, they pay me back with loads of joy.

We had such a nice weekend, despite our weather turning chilly again. It was okay, just not the mild spring-like temps that we have been teased with lately. It was so fabulous that N got an invitation to go to a concert! Social opportunities are the best and we are just as excited as he is when they come along. Yay for friends, for getting out, for enjoying good things! We are thankful.

While at the concert, he ate everything that did not eat him first. I think his growth is slowing, but his appetite is not. While he is already taller than I am (5' 4"), this fast metabolism is not going to last forever, and what happens when he can't devour so many groceries anymore?? He has some habits in place that need to be tempered. But then . . . . so do I. (Like the 7 dark chocolate kisses that just disappeared while I have been sitting here.)

Happy Monday.

Thyroid Tune-Up

2011-03-03T10:17:00.000-08:00

I am thinking it is time for a thyroid tune-up for me. My start to the new year was energetic, but lately I am like a wind-up toy that is almost wound down! I could take a nap at almost any time of the day with no problem.

I have thyroid disease and have known it and been on medication for it for about 9 years. The years that I was undiagnosed were so frustrating. I felt like a really bad mother because many days (which developed into years) I could not hold my head up, much less be a fun and energetic mom. When I look back I want to cry for those lost years. But, thanks to a wreck where we were rear-ended (!), a doctor felt of my neck for whiplash and discovered the swollen thyroid.

Having a doctor to palpate the thyroid, not just go by blood work numbers is KEY. I had had so many “normal” blood workups. Medication made for a slow but steady recovery, and I have enjoyed lots of good health since. It makes me sad for the thousands who are undiagnosed, though. And sad for the years I lost.

From emedicinehealth.com:

Symptoms of hypothyroidism in adults include:

Early symptoms

Easy fatigue, exhaustion

Poor tolerance to cold temperatures
Carpal tunnel syndrome (pain at the wrists and numbness of the hands)

Later symptoms

Poor appetite
Weight gain
Dry skin
Hair loss
Intellectual ability worsens
Deeper, hoarse voice
Puffiness around the eyes
Depression
Irregular menstrual periods or lack of menstrual periods

If you or someone you know is struggling with undiagnosed “feeling bad”, don’t give up! Keep seeking the solution. Perhaps you need a different doctor or someone to go with you who will be persistent.

Stress can contribute to the destruction of the thyroid. Learn how to manage your stress and delegate. Raising a child with special needs can be stressful!

What’s your favorite stress buster?

Phoenix Learning Resources

2011-02-28T10:05:00.000-08:00

I have referenced my joy at having some learning resources to turn to for my son. These were given to us by The Wizard some years back, and when I dug them out several months ago, I was thrilled to see that I could still order things. This website is straightforward, just like their materials. There is not a lot of “fluff” or clutter to distract me the student from the main concepts.

Their reading comprehension series has questions to answer. I know someone who likes to do homework who may love these!

I also like that there are so many levels to choose from. We have ordered several paperback books that are high interest/low level. They offer many great classics, such as Robin Hood and The Trojan Horse. The science curriculum is fabulous, too, and we used that years ago. The stories are factual and interesting, without a lot of fanfare. I am thinking of getting a new one on my son’s level, just for fun, since he is very interested in science. I may just read them aloud.

I recently ordered a critical thinking workbook for N, and I will let you know how that goes. There is so much to be had here! Take a look and see what you think. I would love to work for a place like this. It combines all my loves – reading, gaining information, learning new things—all at one’s own comprehension level.

Check it out at Phoenix Learning Resources.

"Radio" Torture

2011-02-24T19:09:00.000-08:00

Oh, my husband! He signed us back up for Netflix and has had a great string of movies coming. He has single-handedly picked them all, and it is nice to be surprised by what he chooses. (I did not care for "Sherlock Holmes", which we didn't finish, but the rest have been winners.) Tonight's surprise was the movie "Radio." I have put off seeing it because the clip I had seen was nothing short of gut-wrenching.

So, we all 3 watched it together and I really cried. (Not the stray-tear-down-the-cheek kind of crying, either.) Whew. I am still processing and getting it back together. What a great story! What a hard one to watch, though, as parents of a child with special needs! Did you see "I am Sam"? Same thing, but I got through it, as well.

I wondered how my son was viewing it and if he saw himself in it at all. I am thinking he did not. A few minutes after it was over, he came to me and said, "You know what is on my heart? People who don't have enough to eat. I want to do something about it. I think that is what God wants me to do." Wow. The young man in the movie could not afford certain things and appeared hungry at one point, but I was surprised that that is what stirred him. I told him I would help him do something about this. (Which only started the tears again!)

He really is my inspiration.

Reading by Example (Except it rarely works)

2011-02-16T11:19:00.000-08:00

Well, if it only works for snow days when there is low activity around the house, so be it! As I have said, it bothers me no small amount that this teen does not enjoy reading for pleasure. However, with our recent snow (and no school for 3 days!), my husband and I enjoyed quite a bit of reading. One day I walked into the family room to discover this scene and nearly fell out! I guess he started thinking, "If you can't beat 'em, then join 'em!" YES! (I am pumping my fist, even as I type!)

I haven't seen it since, though. We have had 69 degree weather the last few days, so it is outdoors and basketball for this young man. I wish it made him happy to read alone, like it does me. But, he is a mover and a shaker and much prefers to get physical. Guess I'll have to wait for more snow.

Stay Strong!

2011-02-16T11:03:00.000-08:00

I am feeling so strongly that I should be offering resources regarding marriage and raising kids with special needs. It is REALLY on my heart, so here goes. (It is only two days post-Valentine's so I will take the liberty . . . .)

If you had any words of wisdom to offer another set of parents regarding marriage and raising a child with special needs, what would they be? I have thought about this a lot and have only been asked a few times, so you will see that I have been saving up for you, people! No, not really, but in our case, it has gotten better marriage-wise, the farther we go. (We had been married for 7 years when our little guy came along with Down syndrome. We have celebrated 23 years together now.)

In the beginning, it would have been good just to know that we would handle the news, the grief, and the adjustment differently. Just as moms and dads handle most things with their children differently from each other (no kidding, right?). Expecting your spouse to react and deal the same as you only creates a chasm between you. However, at the time, you have no idea this is happening and feel the big “disconnect”, which is a lonely feeling. Our guys are just different from us women. And they feel so responsible for us and for putting up a good front to be strong. Looking back, it is quite sweet, but at the time it was frustrating. Communication, communication, communication!

Some resources I have recently found:

http://www.disabilityscoop.com/2009/02/02/save-my-marriage/1972/ This is a woman who is a family therapist and who has a son with Fragile X. She really gets it, and this interview with her is great. She talks about the need for support and getting stuck in grief, which is what I think happened to me years ago. She has a yearly retreat called “Healing the Mother’s Heart.”

http://www.disaboom.com/children-with-disabilities/for-better-or-worse-and-kids-with-disabilities This is a good article which highlights some good communication skills.

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/parenting_challenges/parenting_a_special_needs_child.aspx This article even offers a 1-800 number if you need to speak with a counselor. They also have an online parenting community for parents of children with special needs.

http://www.amazon.com/Married-Special-Needs-Children-Couples-Connected/dp/1890627100 I know I have referenced this one twice already! I really am enjoying it, though. It has a section on “Heartfelt conflicts : opposing views on protection, expectations, and helping your child.” We need to keep looking for what will help us get strong and stay strong as couples!

Ideas?

Mmmm, breakfast!

2011-02-10T12:12:00.000-08:00

(Yummy Omelet, by "N")

I meant to post yesterday but I did not get around to it. I was too busy lounging in my pj's and reading. Turns out, the great storm that was predicted to dump a bunch of snow on us did just that! I can't remember ever seeing this much snow in our southern state. So, naturally (and luxuriously), two days worth of work and school have been canceled. We are in happy, lazy bliss over here. I really love to have only a few options for my day, and I do not feel imprisoned as some do (but check with me in a few days).

Last time this happened, I was in happy, productive mode. That hit at about 8:00 pm yesterday. I suddenly got this urge to have something to show for the day, other than a bunch of pages read, so I cleaned out some drawers and did a few other things I have been putting off. But today, it is back to lounging. (That antsy, productive urge will hit after dark sometime.)

While I was sleeping in this morning, my dear son was cooking himself breakfast. Seems I reminded him of his love for omelets yesterday when I made him one with bacon and swiss cheese. We had homemade biscuits on the side, which he adores. Anyway, after I got up, he showed me a picture he had taken of the omelet he made, since there was not one for me! (He knows I do not like them crispy, which is the only way he turns them out.) I was very amazed at both his photography and his use of chopped vegetables!

I never know what he'll do when I'm asleep. Maybe if I go back to bed, he'll cook some lunch.

Lookin' Good

2011-02-08T10:47:00.000-08:00

What is it about the stigma of kids with disabilities that makes me try a little harder to make my son look his best? I do not want him treated poorly because of the way he looks, so the pressure is on to help him look the best he can. (I have always tried to keep his mouth and nose clean as he has fought against me!) Why is this more important with him than it was with his brother? It definitely is, though.

Now that he is older, we go ‘round and ‘round about the hair. The fact that he is a teenager and does not want me to style his hair, but wants to do it himself is a sticky situation (almost daily). He likes to comb it straight down into a line across his forehead. I can’t stand it and think it looks awful. I try to playfully get in one little brush swipe to the side, but he goes nuts! The way he styles it reminds me of those bowl cuts that people often give kids with Down syndrome. (Why does this happen???)

It is true that the way we are treated is often influenced by how we look. I think that many parents of children with special needs go above and beyond to help their kids look good because the cards are stacked against the initial perception of our children. Some would say that it is other people’s problem if they don’t like my son’s hair or the leftover lunch on his face. But the reality is, it is not. It becomes my son’s problem.

Marriage -- Guard it!

2011-02-07T15:53:00.000-08:00

Well, I was on to something even if I did not know that I was. I posted a few days ago about the book I am reading, "Married With Special Needs Children, A Couples Guide to Keeping Connected . . .". The more I read in it, the more I am convinced that you should read it if the title applies to you. I am seeing that we are similar in our dilemmas and differences; it is really amazing to read and see something that you think is unique to your situation, and it isn't!

About what I was on to --- turns out this week is National Marriage Week. Now, isn't that a good reason to do something to better your union? Yes! How about beginning some small habit that strengthens your marriage? What could it be? Email your spouse during the day to say "hi" and something encouraging? Set up a time to go out -- just the two of you? Fix his favorite dinner just because? Do something that brings back old (and good) memories! Do something that will make him laugh. Whatever you come up with, just do it. I'd love to hear about it.

Special Exposure Wednesday -- Feeling Nostalgic

2011-02-02T08:09:00.000-08:00

He doesn't look like he is 10 years old here, but he was. I am wishing for some younger days right now. I think it is because he got his braces recently and his mouth is hurting like crazy!! He wants them off, he said, even though his initial reaction was, "Awesome! These look cool!". Today they don't feel too cool. Poor guy. If I can get him to smile, I will show his new metal soon.

For more great photos, see 5 minutes for Special Needs.

The Guide to Keeping Connected

2011-02-01T10:48:00.000-08:00

Marriage. Can you say it like the little priest in “The Princess Bride”? (Maaa-widge.) I guess Valentine’s Day has it on the forefront of my mind. Plus I have read a few blogs lately where marriages are stressed, due to parenting a child or children with special needs. It is tough to stay married in our culture; the stats do not look good. But throw in the challenge of parenting a child with special needs, and the stats are – well, not as good.

I take hope, though, in all the things that bring us closer in marriage. Often our joint effort with our child brings us closer. And the joy of the child's successes is much sweeter together. I am not Polly Anna, however. I know there are so many factors which can push us away from each other, which is why I keep my eyes open for information to help, not hurt my marriage.

I found this book recently at the library. I am barely into it, and I am so fascinated and encouraged by it! Anybody want to do book club with this one?? The authors really get it-- I can't wait to get further into it.

If you are married, with or without children with special needs, it is energizing to read something with the intention of giving your relationship a shot in the arm. Your spouse (and you) will be glad you did!

Now, for your listening pleasure, from "The Princess Bride". (I could not resist!)

"Hello, Poison Control?"

2011-01-31T17:37:00.000-08:00

"Yes, it's me. I know that the last time we spoke was when my husband accidentally mistook the anti-fungal bottle for the ear drop bottle and put anti-fungal medicine in my son's ears. But this time I am calling because my son did not understand my directions for the 2+ ounces of Listerine mouthwash I put on his bathroom counter. He sorta forgot that he has gargled before, and he drank the Listerine for his sore throat. . . . . Active ingredients? Um, let's see . . . Methyl salicylate, eucalyptus, etc. What about alcohol? It has plenty of that . . . Ok, don't make him throw up, but keep him up another hour because that salicylate word is a derivative for aspirin that can upset his stomach? Right, no, we don't want him to throw up and aspirate in his sleep. Thank you. OK, you'll check on him in an hour. Thanks again."

Heart pounding wildly, I made this call last night. I could barely concentrate I was so worried. But today, he is perfectly fine. I forget to observe things and follow through on stuff that he is new to or hasn't done in awhile. I can't believe this happened, but it is a good reminder to be more diligent with my follow through. I take a lot for granted. Especially the following of directions.

Last night there were no laughs, but now I am able to chuckle a little and remember a friend from high school who did this intentionally. We were with the Spanish Club in Mexico City. We had been warned repeatedly not to eat food from street vendors. My hungry friend could not resist one day and was admonished by the rest of us all the way back to the hotel. Later, he reported he drank part of a bottle of mouthwash as a precaution. Why? "It says it kills germs."

Hopefully, all the cooties are out of his stomach forever and my son's as well. Whew!!

Choose To Be

2011-01-27T20:09:00.000-08:00

I need to tell you about a unique opportunity in which you can participate in a study of Proverbs that is held by telephone. My sister-in-law, Pat, is part of a team who helps women in a variety of ways. Their website is called Choosetobe.com, and you can check it out. Their great idea is to allow women to participate via conference call! You don’t have to say a thing; you can listen and glean all kinds of practical wisdom from Proverbs. (You can get the book if you want at Amazon.) Then, when that study is over, they will be doing several “issue” talks, pertaining to parenting, marriage, etc.

I think this is perfect for today’s busy woman who wants to grow in her spiritual life, but does not want to or cannot leave her house. Below are the details. I am thinking I will have to check this out myself! You can listen live or find the call-in number on the website for the recording of the study and listen at a different time.

Believe me, if my sister-in-law is part of it, you will want to be involved, too. She has a ton of energy and will bless you if you are only around her for 5 minutes. When I married into this family, I did not know what a bonus I was getting when I got her! She is a really gifted counselor and a good friend to me.

Below is what she sent me. What a great way to help women right where they are – literally! Starts THIS Tuesday.

An Invitation for You

In 2012 what will you look back and say were the best choices you made in 2011? How important is it to find encouragement and direction for life… as it’s happening? What can you count on day after day no matter what life challenges you may face?

With great excitement, beginning February 11, 2011, each Tuesday night we invite you to join our “Choose to Be” team as we begin an ongoing adventure together learning how to know God in our daily lives and apply God’s Truth in a practical, personal way. We will bring tips for daily living and ways to “enjoy the process” as we go.

God’s intention is not for us to live our life confused, overwhelmed, fearful or without hope. His Truth promises to direct us one step at a time.

WHAT: Weekly Conference Calls

WHEN: Every Tuesday night, beginning, 1-11-11

TIMES: 6-7 pm Pacific time

8-9 pm Central time

9-10 pm Eastern time

STUDY: The Book of Proverbs

STUDY BOOKS: The Bible and “BE SKILLFUL” by Warren W. Wiersbe

The author, Warren Wiersbe, says “The Book of Proverbs is about Godly wisdom, how to get it and how to use it. It tells you how to be skillful in the lost art of making a life.”

CALL-IN # (712) 432-0075 access code: 935742

www.choosetobe.com

Special Exposure Wednesday -- Smackdown

2011-01-26T13:23:00.001-08:00

THUD! Groan! Ughhhh! Arghhhhhh! Thud-thud! These were all noises coming from our family room last night. I need not worry or hurry, for they are the familiar sounds of my husband and son wrestling. (However, it does freak my mother out every time she hears it!) It meets some big need in N for proprioception.

I always fear the big "OWWWWWW, that HURT!", which is just as likely to come from my husband. Their tangled mass of body parts keeps me from being an on-looker most of the time (how do they do that??), but I had to snap some photos last night. This only made it go on longer than usual.

New Night Gear

2011-01-24T08:59:00.000-08:00

Awhile back, I referenced a variety of appointments that we were going to, and they all were close to one another. It seemed like that was all we did – go to appointments. N has been remarkably healthy, considering he has Down syndrome. His main area of concern has been his stomach, which I have mentioned. (He has a long history of reflux and was on 4 different meds as a one year old to avoid surgery for it. He only takes one thing as needed now.) I know that many of you go to appointments far more than we do, so I was thinking of you lately!

We did the endocrinologist (remember that annual thyroid tests at the pediatrician may not be giving the true picture!), 3 orthodontists and 2 oral surgeons, plus the sleep study neurologist (and first sleep study) all in about two and a half weeks. Strangely, the permanent ankylosed molar (unrelated to Down syndrome), is what is causing the most confusion. The one orthodontist at Children’s Hospital hemmed and hawed for about 45 minutes about what to do. He even left the room twice. (Was he going to look stuff up on the internet??) When I threw a suggestion into the ring for consideration, he immediately said, “Yes, that is what we’ll do,” and began writing a treatment plan. Now that's a scary thought! He’s not the one we are going with, but braces should be on in about two more weeks!

Because he does have significant sleep apnea, the poor guy went for his second sleep study to measure what his air pressure needs to be with the CPAP machine. Thankfully, his sweet dad was up for this again. More electrodes, more attachments, then the Darth Vader mask. The first line of the report reads: “We realize you had great difficulty getting to sleep in a new place with the mask on.” Understatement, I am sure! We went a few days ago for training in operating his very own CPAP, and he is learning to wear it. (I can NOT imagine!!)

He is dutiful and compliant, but I feel sorry for him. Someone said it is like getting used to new glasses—once you see the difference it makes, you will want to wear it. I don’t know . . . Could you sleep in this??

If You Could . . .

2011-01-23T10:08:00.000-08:00

Is it possible that writing techniques taught to my son two years ago are positively affecting language and communication today? I have reason to believe so. I am going to attempt to recall several of the questions he has asked me recently that I believe are connected to his 7^th grade English class. His middle school years were complicated and are fraught with wishes for a do-over on my part, but it encourages me to see that something good yet remains from that class I pushed for him to be in!

Every single day there was a writing prompt on the board, and the students were required to answer it as fully as possible in a short amount of time. This was sometimes frustrating for N, due to his fine motor skills not allowing him to write as fast as others, not to mention his language delay. (We looked into a device –like a mini laptop—but it did not work out.) The questions usually started out, “If you could _________, what would you_________ and why?” He never turned these questions outward. Until recently. Now they are non-stop.

“If you could have any superpower, which one would it be and why?” (Hmmm, still thinking. . . .)

“If you could drive any car you wanted, what kind would it be and why?” (Mine is fine. If it stopped working, I would think about it then. I just don’t let myself go there if there isn’t a reason! But I said an old Camaro anyway.)

“If you could work at any restaurant at all, which one would it be and why?” (I said a bakery. I’ve always wanted to operate an industrial-sized mixer and use those huge ovens and pans. ??)

“If you could work at any store, which one would it be and why?” (I said “Glo”, this cute little makeup store. I have a thing for tons of colors-- I only need to look.)

“If you worked at Sonic and it was your lunch break, what would you fix and why?” (I said tater tots that are fried twice as long to get them really crispy.)

What I recently learned about him is that he would work at Bed, Bath and Beyond if he could work at any store, and that if he worked at Sonic, he would make himself a triple burger with fries and a Coke.

I read just recently that adults and children with Down syndrome typically ask much fewer questions than others. This inhibits conversation greatly if you do not ask questions. What cracks me up is that he never forgets the “why”, leftover from the class! I would love to know why two years later this is re-surfacing and what jogged his memory.

Now I ask you. Do you have a definite opinion on any of these questions? Please tell. And why.

Don't Hang Up!

2011-01-20T10:13:00.000-08:00

Because I have told you of my love for books and what my favorites were last year, I must tell you about this great book I am reading daily this year. Thanks to my good friend, Miss V, a pretty new leather book has made its way to my bedside table. I have found it to be honest, thought provoking, and challenging. Its daily entries are brief, and they direct my thoughts toward God. It is entitled Jesus Calling. (When I see the title, I immediately want to say, “Hello!! I am here! Don’t hang up!”)

I can see already that its themes are “trust” and “peace”. It is so beautiful. I would say this is one not to pass up for 2011. You can find it here at Amazon.com.

P.S. Husband got the app for his iPhone and loves it. I personally prefer a hard copy.

Special Exposure Wednesday

2011-01-19T07:45:00.001-08:00

I wish I could take credit for these photographs! We were offered a free photo op at our local genetics clinic if we could come in on a certain day. I jumped. I love a photo op, plus these turned out to be ready just in time for Christmas gifting. Sometimes N is hard to loosen up, but he was hamming it up on this day with our cool, Harley riding, leather-wearing photographer dude. Many thanks to John Paul Jones for his kindness and his wonderful eye!

See more photos at 5 Minutes for Special Needs.

Self Determination

2011-01-18T12:25:00.000-08:00

This topic is brand new to me, but it has been a popular one for the last few years, I am told. It is very important to middle and high school students with disabilities, and it is one my son will soon become familiar with -- as soon as I can fully explain it! Here it is explained somewhat by a person with a disability:

"What people need to realize is that self-determination can be different things to different people. All people should have the opportunity to be self-determining, based on what that means for them. They might need some guidance, they might need some help, but that doesn't mean they ought to be shut out of opportunities to have their life. Everybody needs some support at one time or another, I don't care who you are. What's important is to focus on what you can do, what you are good at and like to do. When you are getting supported, you have to take the initiative to tell other people what you want, what you need, and the supports you will need to live the way you want."
(I found this quote here.)

A more in-depth description is this:

"The concept of self-determination has become important in the field of special education and disability services over recent years. This emphasis has come about as a result of several factors, including a changing view of disability, legislation, research findings and advances in teaching technology. Self-determination is highly important to the career development and transition process and it needs to be encouraged throughout the lifespan. It is important for all students, with and without disabilities, including those students with the most severe disabilities. Self-determination instruction can be provided within an inclusive framework and is important for educators as well as students. Family participation is important to the development of self-determination. The Division on Career Development and Transition of the Council for Exceptional Children supports and affirms approaches rooted in self-determination for development and delivery of effective educational programs."

(I found that one here.)

It looks like we need to help our older kids with special needs figure out a plan for what they want in life and how to get there. There are some assessments that they can be given at home or school that will definitely be eye-openers for them and for us. Check our this website for all kinds of opportunities for assessment regarding goals and plans.

If you are familiar with Self-Determination, please do tell! There is always something new to learn.

My Best Reads of 2010

2011-01-16T13:27:00.000-08:00

As I said, my goal was to read one book per month last year, and I actually read 24 in total and portions of 5. See? A goal is good for me. I did not over-shoot it on purpose, I just got on a roll and was enjoying myself. In November I only read a short story, and I noticed something missing from my life during that month! A few of these books came recommended from Lesley’s Book Nook, but many of the 5 I quit did, too. (That chick likes sad books. I do not.) Ok, without further ado, here are my favorites, in no particular order, with many thanks and my undying love to the library.

Nonfiction:

Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson

How to Really Love Your Teen by Ross Campbell

The Reason for God by Timothy Keller

Self Talk, Soul Talk by Jennifer Rothschild

The Little Black Book of Style by Nina Garcia

Fiction:

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

The Help by Kathryn Stockett

Fifty Acres and a Poodle by Jeanne Marie Laskas

Looking back, I see that I am really picky about my fiction. Half of the books read were fiction, but I actually think I prefer nonfiction. I want something pretty lighthearted and uplifting, and I don’t like a lot of violence or any trashy stuff . . . I do like a mystery, though. I like to read books that are clever. One I enjoyed that did not make it to my top 8 here was Sense and Sensibility.

I would love a good recommendation for 2011!

P.S. If you are a mom of a young child (especially one with special needs) and you think that you will never read a full book again (at least not one for adults), here is hope! I am proof that you will once again re-gain that time that you now feel is gone forever. It's not!

And he was there ---

2011-01-13T09:42:00.000-08:00

Well, the 20th birthday of my elder son has come and gone while he was gone. He says it has become an unintended tradition for him to be away from home (and I mean FAR) on his special day. This makes me want to let out the biggest and most authentic WAAAAAHHHH you can possibly conjure.

Here’s how it started. His high school does a great January thing called “J Term”, in which the kids can do internships, take unique classes, go on mission trips or go on school sponsored trips for two weeks and get a grade for it. It is a fabulous concept (except when it takes your child elsewhere on his bday). As I have mentioned previously, Cool Mr. A has a thing for Chicago and independently secured an internship there. He worked out a plan to stay for the 2 weeks with his aunt and uncle and ride the train downtown to his internship site. This place was a writing institute which helps kids after school and in the summer. It worked very well and he loved it. And he was there on his 17^th birthday.

The next year he saved up his money (which we matched) to go on a school trip to Ireland, England, and Wales. This was a remarkable trip which he thoroughly enjoyed and still often references. Dublin was a pretty wonderful city, said he. And he was there on his 18^th birthday.

The next year he had graduated high school and started college. Several of his good friends went their separate ways, but he had plans to visit his good friend who now studies at the University of Chicago. He rode the train many hours to see the sights with a friend he has known since birth. He got to see her school and meet all her new friends and had a marvelous time. And he was there on his 19^th birthday.

This year he and a roommate saved their hard-earned money and bought train tickets and scalped concert tickets to see Weezer’s Memories Tour. He stayed in a youth hostel and on a dorm floor of some internet friend (YIKES) and walked all over the place, eating Chicago-style hot dogs and deep dish pizza. He said it was great. (I wondered, though, if the internet friend was a fake person who might have really wanted his kidney . . . “the difference in our generations”, he says.) And he was there on his 20^th birthday.

Now I see. Sorta hard to go back to pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey after all that. I guess when he got old enough to be in charge of his own birthday party, he grabbed it! Now he is back at school. I am sad about it, too

Happy Belated Birthday, Cutie Pie.

Special Exposure Wednesday - Snow!

2011-01-12T09:28:00.001-08:00

Since it is rare for us, I have to post it. This is the view from our back deck. Today it is slowly melting and is shimmering so beautifully in the sunlight.
Here, Mr. N is lining up his snowballs for when dad comes out the door. You can see how it is still covering his brother's car with several inches. (Ironically, brother was in Chicago with no snow!) Two days of no school and lots of outdoor play. Who could ask for more?

A Clean Slate

2011-01-11T13:07:00.000-08:00

Something about the brand-spanking newness of the year has me motivated. I am all “a-swirl” with ideas for home improvement and am excited about a clean slate, about forward progress, and about getting things done. Last year my only goal (I read we should nix the word “resolution” and substitute “goal”--forgot why, but I was compliant) was to read at least one book a month. It was a great goal for me. I tried to alternate between fiction and nonfiction. I’ll let you know the year’s favorites soon.

For something different this year I visited this website (http://www.getorganizedwizard.com/, see Life and Goal organizer) that suggested making 20 “goals”. It doesn’t just leave you hanging there, though, it helps you break them down and send them to dates on the electronic “goals and priorities” and “monthly planner”, which incorporates them into your daily to-do's. Exciting!

Typically, though, I do not get all energetic in January. I prefer summer and fall, and January seems . . . well . . . long. I remember that a friend was helping me rearrange furniture once, which I love to do. We did it early in the year, and it seemed to bring us mutual satisfaction. “There,” she said, “that will get us through January.” Hmm, I wasn’t the only one who did not feel fondly toward the first month. But this year seems different; I don’t want to endure January, I want to accomplish stuff and have fun doing it.

I got out a notebook from a class I took last year, called “Woman on a Mission”. It was a fabulous class that helped me learn so much about myself and my purpose. One exercise (and there were many) that opened my eyes was to simply write down 20 energy drainers. It need not take all day, just sit down and spill it. It could be anything from “the garage” to “not knowing what’s for dinner”. I put “not having easy access to the backyard” and a few other things that have morphed into goals for me. (Help me remember to read my “Boundaries” book again.) There is nothing better than taking an energy drainer and making it work into something positive.

One of my goals this month is to train N to be more responsible for his personal space and for his clean clothes. That will be quite a feat; even though he can do laundry, it takes quite a bit of reminding to get that room into something presentable! And, it gets destroyed in no time flat—not sure what all he does in there. So, I’ll keep you posted on that, and if you have any creative ideas to help me with that room, please share. Do you have any goals for this year?

Stuck Inside, and I am Excited!

2011-01-10T10:17:00.000-08:00

We have been waiting for this! In the south, we don't get much of it, so we are happy when we do. It started out like this.
And quickly ended up like this!
N is concentrating hard to make a snowball. This snow is very powdery, though.

Turns out, we conveniently had primer and paint on hand, just in case we got snowed in. School and work are canceled for today, so yesterday and today have been great for getting a few projects done. My husband seems to be quite on board and has already made our playroom a lot less dreary. The snow will quickly melt, so I had better hurry!

A Few of My Favorite Things . . .

2011-01-07T10:10:00.000-08:00

What's better than taking down Christmas decorations? Putting up something new for January! Really, these crocheted snowflakes were Christmas ornaments awhile back, but I have given them a new mission -- to be cheerful in my breakfast room. Besides, we are expecting a little snow around here in a few days, which is very exciting in our part of the country.

Another favorite thing:This is my older son doing dishes. He lives in a campus apartment this year and has a whole new appreciation for a clean kitchen. There is nothing like walking in to his voluntary unloading and reloading of the dishwasher! I like it better than my snowflakes.

Tomorrow is his birthday and he is leaving on a trip tonight. Without me. I like this least of all.

Special Exposure Wednesday

2011-01-05T09:23:00.000-08:00

"YES, YES, YES!!!!" is the audio to go along with this picture from Christmas morning-- (he just received a video game, Mario Kart). This was courtesy of Neighbor Friend's discount, since it is not a favorite in their "girl" collection! He has spent several hours on it and on Wii Fit

See more photos from Special Exposure Wednesday here.

An Ode to My Man

2011-01-02T17:30:00.000-08:00

You don’t have to be around me long to know that I am shameless about my affection for my husband. Since today is his birthday, I might have to get a little mushy about him! We celebrate twice in August for birthdays (mine and N’s), then we roll right on after Christmas, New Year’s, Ted’s birthday, then six days later is A’s. Whew! Sometimes I would buy double at Christmas to avoid shopping twice for them.

But back to the birthday today—it often seems excessive to celebrate right after so much holiday has just happened, but his birthday is most important and he is so easy to please. Besides, everybody needs his own day, no matter when it falls!! On his first birthday after we were married, I was challenged by the fact that we were traveling (to another wedding) and he needed a birthday cake. I finally came up with a cookie cake, which I slipped under my seat of the car. I got to surprise him with that at a hotel in Shreveport, Louisiana. He has wanted a cookie cake ever since, so a tradition began on that road trip. (Today’s cookie is homemade and decorated a little crookedly.)

The ode: My man is a good man. He so often gives me far more grace than I deserve. He is sweeter than I can describe and loves us all unconditionally. I want to be like him when I grow up! So thankful he has been in my life for a long time. Happy Birthday to one great guy!

Special Exposure Wednesday

2010-12-29T12:44:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite memories of the season-- out walking through a big light display.

Christmas evening with Nana and Baby Sister here.

I can't remember a Christmas that I SO did not want to end like this one!

Check out more Special Exposure photos here.

Gotta Love an Appreciative Eater

2010-12-27T12:05:00.000-08:00

I love an appreciative eater. After all, if you go to the trouble to cook something, you don’t want there to be silence about it. We have fun imitating Bob (Bill Murray’s character) from the “What About Bob?” movie, who groans over and over throughout the meal about his yummy fried chicken. This is a joke that N often pretends to grow tired of, but, in truth, he never does. Sometimes I provide my own commentary of my own meal and he frowns disapprovingly at me.

Baby Sister visited over Christmas, and I don’t think she knows about Bob or our imitations of him. She is a single girl who subsists on Chinese take-out, Chick-Fil-A and Starbucks. She does not mind cooking; she just does not have the time and energy. So, she is one of my favorite appreciative eaters who does not give a solitary courteous compliment, but often goes on throughout the whole meal with lots of exclamations that I love! N, however, watched her suspiciously each time she enjoyed her food, as though she would give away her secret love of the Bob movie. She never did.

“What About Bob?” made its way under our tree this year and we watched it last night. Maybe we have seen it too many times, but the only part that made me laugh was that scene at the table! The foods to keep on the menu for next year for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are the ones that made Baby Sister exclaim in delight (at least three times each): marinated flank steak, twice baked potatoes, cranberry crunch, Bobby Flay’s shrimp grits and chocolate cake with praline icing.

What did they appreciate at your house? (We are still appreciating over here.)

"Back when A was an Angel . . ."

2010-12-21T12:48:00.000-08:00

I am loving these gift tags that I turned into ornaments years ago. When I pull them out each Christmas, it is a gift to me all over again! This first one though, was made by my older in Sunday school. When N saw it, he said, "Oh . . . back when A was an angel!" It made me laugh so hard. Back when . . .

Beneath are some angelic photos of little N. First grade has him showing a little gap-toothed smile, second grade reveals a haircut that was a little too short (related to me), and third grade . . . well, that is when he got a cool necklace which made him WAY too cool to smile! Love them all.

If you can't stand the heat . . .

2010-12-15T20:24:00.000-08:00

Now I remember why I stopped all the Christmas baking about 4 years ago. Well, not all. I had to make one batch of each family member’s favorite. We had homemade Heath bar, peanut butter balls (or buckeyes), and decorated cookies. Enough, right? Well, for some reason I felt the compulsion to start it all up again like I used to. I am glad I do not like sugar as much as I did, but it still has a firm pull on me!

I looked up how to make pralines, something that has seldom turned out for me, and one reviewer of Paula Deen’s recipe said these tasted just like her grandmother’s. My result might have tasted like somebody’s grandmother’s, but not like my grandmother’s, which is the gold standard. That lady could churn out shirtboxes by the dozen, full of the most beautiful variety of homemade candy. I can do peanut brittle almost like hers, but the rest . . . well, I need some tips. My attempt at divinity today looked promising. Then it got all dry at the end. What did I do? Beat it too long? Cook the second half of the syrup too long? Oh, too many factors. Besides, I need to go back to the one batch of each person’s favorite. The trouble is, I can’t choose a favorite! Maybe that’s why I am attempting all of the contenders that would make it to my top choice.

Tonight I was doing several things at once in the kitchen and enlisted N’s help in doing a few dishes. He has taken several batches of chocolate mint brownies to school for different ones who have helped him so much. So while I was cutting into another pan of those, he was rinsing a plate on which I had mixed spices together to sprinkle on chicken. He asked if he could taste it, and I warned him he would not like it but he could try if he wanted. (Paprika, garlic, pepper, salt, red pepper, thyme, etc.) He put his finger in and licked it, then said, “Tastes tingly. I like it.” I was surprised. A few seconds later, “Is it hot in here or is it just me?” It is cute when he is waiting for my laugh.

Possible Result of Inclusion?

2010-12-09T20:11:00.000-08:00

I would certainly hope that auditing a college class would be an option for anyone with a disability. The fact that classmates stood up for this young lady thrills me!! Go, students! I wonder if many of them had the privilege of being in classes with kids with disabilities while in elementary, middle or high school. Perhaps they just knew it was the right thing to do.

Now all we need is some "people first" language in the title of this article, and we'll be set! (It would put the person first by wording it "Classmates of student with Down syndrome protest withdrawal".) But the actions in this story speak louder than words!

Classmates of Down syndrome student protest withdrawal

Today's Most Read Stories

Posted: 2:35 PM November 18, 2010

About 20 students demonstrated today at Ashland's Southern Oregon University to protest an administrative decision to withdraw a student with Down syndrome.

Twenty-year-old Eliza Schaaf, a graduate of Ashland High School, was auditing a ceramics class as a way to share the college experience with her friends from high school, her parents said.

She had completed two-thirds of the class when she received a letter Nov. 8 notifying her she would be withdrawn from the class because she was not qualified to meet academic standards and disrupted the class. The letter also said the family would be given a full refund of tuition and fees.

All 19 students in Schaaf's class have signed a petition stating that Schaaf did not disrupt their learning in the class and was a welcome presence.

Mollie Mustoe, one of Schaaf's classmates who spearheaded the petition, said administrators didn't consult students before making the decision.

Student organizers gathered about 40 more signatures today from students who oppose the decision to remove Schaaf from class.

SOU's Student Senate voted unanimously Tuesday on a resolution asking the administration to allow Schaaf to remain on campus and to give Schaaf due process.

"The fact that it was unanimous is overwhelming for us," said Eliza's father, Ron Schaaf. "It's so gratifying to know other people believe in Eliza, other than her parents. We hope this will lead to a good conclusion."

— Paris Achen

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If you want to go to the article yourself, click here.

You Are Wonderfully Made

2010-12-07T06:25:00.000-08:00

I keep having a message subtly impressed on me. It comes from a verse in Psalms that came up a lot after my son was born. It confused me a little at the time, because I could not reconcile this with the fact that my newborn had an extra chromosome. I had fallen into the trap of questioning whether someone with a disability could be wonderfully made. (I am embarrassed to admit that now.) Yet, we as parents trusted that it could be true and used it as our chosen verse for N’s baby dedication. “I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well." Psalm 139:14

I have since come to see how my son is most wonderfully made. The world may see his extra chromosome as a fluke or accident, but this teary eyed parent sees it differently. It is so hard to put into words how I feel for him. I regard him as a hand-made gift, especially designed for the good of our family. His nature is beautiful, sensitive, and kind. He is indeed wonderfully made, and so is each person on this planet.

I have believed this now for several years. As I have gotten older I have even dared to believe it about myself. Lately, I struggle to learn and remember some things new to me at a very part- time job I have. Since I work so infrequently, I often have to ask for help and feel conspicuous and awkward. As I was regretting my lack of experience a few weeks ago, I glanced up and saw a banner for sale in the store. It simply said, “You are wonderfully made”. It was almost like an audible voice. I can’t tell you the surprise I felt and the confidence it gave me. I might mess up several times more that day and need reminding over and again, but the fact remains—I AM wonderfully made. It is true and each time I look at that proclamation, it makes me smile, treasuring this personalized wink from my Creator.

The banner also reminds me of all the worth my son and others with disabilities have, simply because they exist. We base our worth all too often on our accomplishments and the things we are proud of. News flash: You are wonderfully made. Because you were made.

Cooking up some minestrone

2010-12-05T14:07:00.000-08:00

What’s in my Crockpot today:

Minestrone Soup!

I am searching for the perfect minestrone but cannot find it. As this one cooks, I am somewhat satisfied, but am still scouting for the elusive, ultra tomato-y recipe. If you have a good minestrone recipe, please do share. I cannot remember where I had what I have in mind because it has been so long and I have tried oodles since. (At least that is my story; it is not that I am o-l-d.)

For this recipe, I backed off of the thyme and sage a little, added another can of broth and some spaghetti sauce. I know, probably not what the originator had in mind! Here’s today’s version (plus what I added):

Ingredients

3 cups reduced-sodium vegetable or chicken broth
1 (28-ounce) can diced tomatoes
1 (15-ounce) can white (cannellini or navy) beans, drained
2 carrots, peeled and chopped
1 celery stalk, chopped
1 cup onion, chopped
1 teaspoon dried thyme
1/2 teaspoon dried sage
2 bay leaves
Salt and ground black pepper
2 cups cooked ditalini pasta
1 medium zucchini, chopped
2 cups coarsely chopped fresh or frozen spinach, defrosted
4 tablespoons grated Parmesan or Romano cheese
Basil sprigs, garnish, optional

Directions

In a slow cooker, combine broth, tomatoes, beans, carrots, celery, onion, thyme, sage, bay leaves, and 1/2 teaspoon each salt and black pepper. Cover and cook on LOW for 6 to 8 hours or on HIGH for 3 to 4 hours.

Thirty minutes before the soup is done cooking, add ditalini, zucchini and spinach. Cover and cook 30 more minutes. Remove bay leaves and season, to taste, with salt and black pepper. Ladle soup into bowls and sprinkle parmesan cheese over top. Garnish with basil, if desired.

It's Beginning to Look (Less?) Like Christmas

2010-12-03T15:41:00.000-08:00

I have decided that I have changed with regard to my Christmas decorating approach. We have accumulated a lot of decorations over the years, and not all of it do I love anymore. Some of it gets drug out and put up out of nostalgia. Not this year. I actually took a peek in a box that Ted brought down from the attic and removed ONE thing out of it. When I told him I was through, he said, “That’s ALL?”. If I don’t love it, I am not putting it up out of obligation. What will I ultimately do with all the tired decorations? I don’t know. I’m not committing. One year I labeled a box “Ugly Christmas Stuff I don’t use anymore.” Seems that box is going to have company.

It is liberating to scale back. And not nearly as much work! I am focusing on the small things. Literally. Like red hots. I went to a few places to find the small candies for some candle holders. I thought the color would show up nicely. I wound up in Wal-Mart today and found some “Red Gems” for $3. I have been obsessing about this and now I am pleased with the results.

I also have some ornaments that were my grandmother’s and they are special to me. I usually put them in a bowl, but this year they make up a centerpiece that really makes me happy. Yes, less is more, I do believe.

Can you see the "Red Gems"in the globes?

Ornaments that belonged to Grandmother

Special Exposure Wednesday

2010-11-30T19:42:00.001-08:00

Have you ever heard of "No-Shave November"? No? Maybe "Novembeard"? It seems that my older son was celebrating them both. His younger brother enjoyed having "hands on" the result over Thanksgiving.

Will he keep the beard or not? It is undecided. I personally vote for a goatee or "fu man chu".

See more of Special Exposure Wednesday here.

Monday, Monday

2010-11-30T12:21:00.000-08:00

Sometimes Mondays are hard. Sometimes Tuesdays are hard. My boy does not like to let the weekend go. When he was having a terrible time at school (two schools ago), he had such troublesome stomach pain in the mornings. This carried on until we finally got his school switched. (That was like going to court and will be for another post!) But even though we have had his stomach completely checked out, that morning trouble still reappears, but in a much milder form. Usually on Monday mornings.

I have good reason to believe that his current school is not stressful. I believe that he has some general dread that comes with Monday, just like it does for a lot of people. The weekend is just too much fun and school is . . . not. It’s school. When he has these episodes and goes on with his day, he later reports being fine. Once, though, we attached his staying home to a test day! Sometimes he is able to be persuaded that Monday is not half bad. Monday is a great day to buy lunch at school, as opposed to making his own. What is served? A huge slab of chicken fried steak and two big scoops of mashed potatoes topped with gravy. Sounds like a good Monday to me.

I adopted a comedy routine for the drive to school on Mondays and some Tuesdays. It is me pretending to be Super Nanny to him. It usually sends him into fits of laughter because I fixate on his grooming, throwing in lots of references to the objects in his nose and the whiskers on his chin. My pitiful British accent makes him snort and gasp for breath, while begging me to stop as we slide into the drop-off line at school. I congratulate myself on his happy glance back at me as he shuts the door. I thought I was going to have to pull out the routine this morning, but he stopped me, saying, “No, Mom, really . . . ,“ and he changed the subject. I guess he knows what I am up to and if he needs it. Or maybe my routine is that bad!